Thursday, December 01, 2005


so i have been sitting with the painting that i wrote about in an earlier post trying to see what else it needs (right now it feels like it is missing something) with it being just the earth and sky coming together. now if this was a painting by one of my very talented artist friends it could get away with being just this coming together. alas, it is one of mine and looks unfinished. i am thinking of placing a poem at the point of intersection, no i don't think my painting would like that.

today liz and i went shopping. while we were in the boutiques i realized that as an artist i am not as mediocre as i thought i was. there was a lot of jewelry at the stores, that was not very well made. i mean i by no means a great jewelry artist but the pieces that i have made are better than many that we saw. and the prices for the crap that they were selling blew my mind. i could make descent money if my stuff could sell for that much.

i guess mostly i have been question my "artisticness". i know so many talented people and think they are so incredible i feel like anything i could do pales in comparison. a few weeks ago while with my brother in barnes & noble i had this total existential moment where i realized that there are so many artists making art and no real gage any more (if there ever was) of what is good art. if this is true then what is the point of creating? do we create art for our selves or for others? i don't want to create things that will sit in a corner and not bless others...or maybe this is my arrogancy and selfishness in wanting to be 'good'.

tonight becky and i were at minnie's talking about her experience at the aid's day one campaign/world vision exhibit and that lead to talking about the art show she is having this weekend. as we began to talk about this she said isn't it so cool to know that in doing this show (part of the money is going to world vision) and the art we are creating is going to change the life of another person. it was then that i realized the answer to that existential moment and the questions it posed. when i do art and share it with others like in this show then i am allowing my art to change the world in the best way possible. i want the art that i am involved in to be a transforming and blessing experience. i have no idea where my experience at mars hill will lead me but i have a feeling that this is a place that is calling me to the great things.

another thing talking with becky lead me to is the idea of prophecy and what that means? i know that the two times God has given that kind of blessing to me, that my heart rejoiced in that truth. the combination of those two experiences floors me even now as i think about it. i want to be able to be used and at a place where i am freed to enter into life where i am called.
i love that people here at school not only are supportive but that they are calling me to be the woman God created me to be. i am finding my voice again. i hope that i will grow more into my strength and honor the gifts i have been given.

i don't know i guess this is my week of mindless thoughts and ideas. i think all my mars hill papers have taken words, thoughts and connection from me. plus it's freekin' cold!!!

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