Thursday, December 15, 2005

surreal moments

the last few days have felt very surreal. almost like having frequent out of body experiences.the result of little sleep, many cups of coffee, and to many cigarettes all aids in getting my final papers done. when i got home last night i told marie that i felt like the last few months have been very surreal. before i started school things in my life were crap and i was no where near moving forward, but i knew the system i knew how things went there was stability even if it was crap. now, i am moving forward and going at such incredible speeds that i have no idea what to think, things are good. i am called to dream with others who actively encourage me to become who i truly am. i love where i am and i am free from fear with in all the uncertain impossiblity. the surrealness comes from things being to good to be true, i'm not use to that.

these are two of the most striking moments of surrealness:

wednesday morning at three i was driving on a deserted and foggy I-5 from downtown to the u. i was thinking how beatiful and mystic it seemed and how much i would have liked to enjoy it with out pressure of getting to starbucks to finish a paper. i just wanted to relish in that moment.

another was last night sitting and talking with liz and her car defrosted. in that conversation i realize how much i need and love her persepective on things and how great she and the other friends i have from mars hill are. i love how much freedom i feel to be my self with these men and women and that i am accepted fully. and they are such beautiful and amazing people.

*plus liz kicks ass!*

1 comment:

Liz Easterling said...

In light of your "surrealist" moments, I wrote my grandmother today (that isn't what's surreal), rather, I told her that I felt like a 16 year old boy...You know, the kid who was 4'5'' in the spring and comes back to school and is 6'3''? That's how I feel. And along with the growth spurt comes this increadible sense that I haven't a clue what to do with the rest of my body...I'm awkward.

Thinking through this, just now, I remember that JR High was all about puberty. In my letter to Grams I called it puberty of the heart. Remember how awkward and uncomfortable all that growing and changing made you? Maybe that is where my contempt is coming from.

My point is, that i am changing so much, contempt is an easy fall back because I know I can rely on it...unlike this newness to my heart.

Either way, I rock because you rock. See you soon.