Tuesday, December 06, 2005

what am i going to do with out school?

tonight was bar night. this means that after class on monday nights a group of us go out to greenlake bar and hangout. i realized i think more pointedly tonight how much i am going to miss all my friends and school for this next month off (i still have four papers to write and i am going to miss this...i am crazy?)

it all seems so surreal. i mean i am almost finished with my first quarter of graduate school, something that wasn't even a thought in my head at this time last year. what am i doing here? yet it is the one thing in my life that i can say i know for certain. it is one of those major life changing expereinces. i feel like i am standing on the edge of a precipice feeling the freedom of the wind calling me to fly and the fear of it not holding me. with each movement the lady wind pulls me forward begging me to play.
learning to play...

it is two of my closest friends here at school who i will have a hard time not being around for a few weeks. they are teaching me so much about learning to play and move beyond my self imposed reservation. it is so wonderful to be called to make a fool of your self even if it means being cold and having a wet ass or standing in the middle of a crowded room to touch a lampshade. i think my friends are helping me releace my true self who has been stuffed away in a closet for way to long.

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