Friday, January 27, 2006

the crying man...

i was in safeway two days and there was this guy who looked like he was about to burst out in tears at any moment. i couldn't get him out of my head for hours after that, yet i also couldn't bring my self to ask him if he was ok. why is that? was it my fears of encounter or was it a fear of intrusion or something else entirely?

i think what broke my heart most was that with our society as isolated as it is people are not cared for well because there is not true community. there is no accounablity and no support. is it no wonder that people are dead in their homes for days in today's soceity without anyone knowing it.

when talking about church last night in class this is one of the aspects of the apostolic church which i hope is part of the resurgance of community oriented church. holistic community. i want this and yet it is also such a fearful thing because of my need for independance.

i am a selfish, self gratifying, person who likes community only when it does not be come hard or intrusive to me doing things my way. do i really want accounablity like i think i do? what does it look like to live relationally in this way...my actions effect not just me but my whole community. if i get really trashed and screw around it not only effect me but my friends and church because in harming my self i am harming others and God. what i do matters, as an actress one of the weirdest things is when people who you have never met come up to you and start talking like they know you. this is what being a christian in community is like there are all these people who you don't realize you are effecting.

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