to day i hated my self to day i gave my self a beating and then there was unexpected love and grace in a friends face in the darling golden child running arms out streached toward me. but that old stick of mine keeps coming out the one that says i have no value or worth to draw another to me...that i am only as good as the addictive care i give out to others never enough to fill up their never ending cups...they have nothing to give me. and in the care of two who's hearts are love to me i still feel unwanted and alone...when do i feel valued enough to stop the ulgy voices and play...will seduction truly be beauty when i am freed from early motherdom? when will the frangrent beauty of me actually draw the bees?
is all the passion and desire the i hold inside my heart like a hot coal smoldering and bursting to be light to much?
the answers to these questions i don't know.