Wednesday, July 19, 2006

you were holding my trust like a child

"In a church on the upper west side
Babe, I stood their singing, I was holding your arm
You were holding my trust like a child"- new york, new york~ ryan adams(gold)

"I remember lyin' on the bedroom floor
You were holding me, little honey, kissin' my soul"-this house is not for sale~ryan adams(love is hell pt 1)

i have been listening to ryan adams(not to be confused with byran adams of the robin hood fame) all day. while i am not one for modern type country, his brand of rock/bluegrass/alt country is so very enticing to my soul. besides have a womderful voice he is also an incredible lyricist...did you know he wrote "when the stars go blue" which has been covered by bono and the corrs? what i think is drawing me in right now is the tenderness in which these lyrics battle for the heart of a woman and also grieve at the loss of love. fighting for a woman...especially her heart has been sitting on my heart this week. with all the battling i have been doing the image of a man warring and protecting is so sweet. it might also be the fact that i am reading "captivating" which is the female companion to "wild at heart". i am finding such truth, balence, and honor in this book. it is especially dear when it speaks to the devaluing of feminine natures. i am very much a woman in my gifting, skills and strengths...because production vs relation is valued in the american job market my best skills are not "marketable". this cuts at the very nature of who i am and how i am created and fuels the lie that my heart has been seared with the underneath it all i am fundatmentally flawed. in saying this i have no conclusion just felt the need to share it...

my heart is given and shattered because it does not look like yours
my hands are beaten from hard work that you don't think matters
my strength is what keeps us distanced, you use it to pass me over
why? because i am a woman...because my strength is wild?
it cannot be contained.
why? because my heart is tender and strong?
it is fragile and resilliant.
i have been abused and used and left to clean the mess
i have been missed and harmed and seek hidding places
all of this and you wonder why you can't see me.

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