Thursday, August 10, 2006

the raingods are crying and so am i

it has rained today, i wonder if it is God's tears of sorrow and pain. tears that i cannot shed as much as i would like to. i found out today that my uncle has cancer. i hate that word it like derpression or sexual abuse has harmed many i love. already i had been feeling lost and numb but this is the topper. i have never heard the tone of voice my aunt had in the message she left. they have been together since she was nineteen. all i want to do is curl up in a ball and cry, but my busy schedule give me no time to grieve no time to stop and just pray to sit with God in the midst of my confusion. so i go on with the rest of the day carrying this weight thinking about the fact that it is also the birthday of two other people i love a place of celebration for them. how does one hold all of this, care for others and your self? it seems to much to great i find that my two most frequent prayers right now are: come Lord Jesus now and fuck lord this hurts to much

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