Wednesday, August 09, 2006

scared of that number


in 15 days i will be turning 27 the closer it approached the harder it is for me to be ok with that fact. i am no where i thought i would be at this age for good or for bad. the last nine years have been progressively harder and harder and now as i leave twenty six i find that i am being called to rest, surrender and let go. in a word trust that the one who has created me and molds me is great enough to trust in the continuation of that growth. and yet i am still scared of that on comming age and number...releaved that i will be away from those who will celebrate it on the actual day so that i will have sometime to adjust to the idea before i come home again and sorrowed that there are some who i long to celebrate with who are absent for a time or the rest of my life. getting older calls me to face my desires and longings to see that i am so often called to wait another year to sit in the pool of desire for a bit more time...feeling with each call to wait my spirit soul and body pruning up, like the child in a lukewarm bath.

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