Friday, August 11, 2006

tears running down the window pain



today has been the continuation of sorrow. the job that i though i was going to have has been limited with a lot lower pay rate which means that i am still needing a job. starbucks here i come (said through gritted teeth). i am bound by sorrow and fear. one week from this sunday i leave to be out of town for over a week and i am scared to go without a solid position. it feels once again as if the whole world (mine and the global) are falling apart. not in away than brings the beautiful pheonix rising from the ash but as the worthless pyrite which the left living indian bride is thrown on to. (in india and other places in the east when a man died his living wife would be thrown on top of the burial fire to go with him because she has no value outside of him). i spent last night silently crying and calling out :"come lord jesus come now it is too much". yet there is the joy for the first time in my life i can pray that cry without fear just in quite desperation. this living life thing sucks there is joy and glory, and yet sorrow and pain.

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