Monday, October 09, 2006

thought


big dork that i am while i have established a new email account i haven't actually used it at all. i know it is silly.

on to other news i have finished the painting for the domestic violence forum and am very pleased with it. the funny thing about art is that most of the time you feel ambivalant about what you have created and really just sit there waiting for other peoples thoughts. but every once and a while you create this piece that hits you in the fact when you are finished. "oh my god, i made that...no...yes....the spirit was moving" that is how i feel about this piece. out of the spirit communing with mine something powerful and beautiful was created.

yet this painting also cost alot for me to create it required a whole day of being in the paint of womanhood, violence and why domestic violence has been birthed. it was both a tender beautiful experience and a gut-renchingly painful one. as an artist i am finding that the cost of art something i can take for granted because it is what art is, what creating is. as a theology student i find that i do not accept the cost of faith as easily. faith costs much; it takes letting go, surrendering your control, and trusting God. as i say this i am constantly aware of how little i trust God. i trust God mostly just when i am painting or creating because it is her essence and mine so ...easy. but when it comes to the rest of my life i am still bound by the images i have recieved. God has been spoken of as wild, dangerous, and dynamic but it is either in a binding fearful way or an anemic way. it doesn't matter which, what matters is that i have not been able to let go of control in my life. i have much to learn as a woman of faith from my art.


i finally got a photo of the painting

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