Wednesday, November 08, 2006


that i would be good even if i did nothing
that i would be good even if i got the thumbs down
that i would be good even if i got and stayed sick
that i would be good even if i gained ten pounds

that i would be fine even if i went bankrupt
that i would be good if i lost my hair and my youth
that i would be great if i was no longer queen
that i would be grand if i was not all knowing

that i would loved even when i numb myself
that i would be good evn wheni am overwhelmed
that i would be loved even when i was fuming
that i would be good even if i was clingy

that i would be good even if i lost sanity
that i would be good

whether with or without you...

thing song comes up in my mind ever so often. it is the prayer of my heart, especially when i am in relationships where there are so many expectations and peramiters about who i should be and how i should act with that person. the question is am i lovable no matter what. what does that look like? what do eyes of love look like without expectations?

there are several people i have been blessed to be in relationship with who do offer this. even better i live with some of them. is there a way to live that draws this forth in others? i know that i can live in ways that draws out abuse in others, living in a way that let's and asks others to perpetuate abuse. i hope that i can live in a mannor that loves others well, i hope that the church can begin to look like eyes of love instead of eyes of hate and false images of what people are to be. i want to see the bride of christ moving towards others to be the womb where eyes of love are found and arms open in care.

reading another students blog tonight i was reminded of that desire. why are people so quick to classify themselves as "normal" and others as "abnormal" or the "them" from a us/them mentality? is it because we are constantly afraid that we are really abnormal so we classify others as abnormal to remove the spot light from our own fears of self? how many of the most homophobic people are really terrified by their own homosexual desires...the character in "american beauty" exemplifies this.

what would happen if we live into the fact that we are good, accepted, loved right now nomatter for though

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