Thursday, December 21, 2006

going...home


i am leaving to go home tomorrow afternoon. all week there has been this tug in my heart a longing for home. yet as i begin to think about going home i wonder if my desire to be there will be crushed by the experience of being there.

last night i asked my self and marie if i am just restless by nature. nothing truly capturing my heart long enough to really move me forward. i know that i love the people in my life a lot but beyond that i often wonder if there is anything that i am so drawn into that i cannot escape. you know how some are captivated by india or music or a lover? there is this thing that just pulls them no matter where they try to go. i feel like even with the things and people i have chosen to risk for i have been burned. often i find it hard to believe that i am really drawn by anything like that, sticking to the inaine idea that i am the one to create everything. that being true i just feel exausted and tired unable to move forward.

i hope that i can love well with my family and friends this weekend, inspite or because of my crooked little heart.

1 comment:

greenhawk said...

your absence, though now constant, suddenly rings stark amid the bustle of this another degenerative season and in the wake of a nearly perfect storm unshared. though not empty, this city rings hollow in anticipation of your return for, not at all unlike you, with restlessness and yearning at it's helm, this solitary soul so feels of aimless flux; perhaps a harkening to the call of the north--perhaps victoria--will satisfy in unsolicited mutual abandonment with the innocence of a soothing pretense

be well and enjoy life, plus chère mademoiselle honorable.

greenhawk