Saturday, January 27, 2007

art school or seminary?

some of the work we are doing at school is in hopes that others will not have to feel this pressure because there will be a place that holds both of these. yet there is not currently and i am feeling the pull again. i looked at mfa(master of fine arts) programs this evening...all i can see right now is my mounting debt. this leads to me questioning what the hell am i doing at mars hill? when i started school a year and a half ago i felt that being here was a precurser for getting my mfa. i have and continue to do a lot of foundational work especially in regard to art and faith. at mars hill not only am i given the space to explore but also to help create space for others. there is something beautiful being birthed in me...but i still hear the call to go to la or somewhere else like boston, nyc, or chicago. there is this voice in my head it says that i am getting to old, i will never be good enough, that i should just give up on acting and stick to facilitation, or better yet give up on everything find a nice kind man and settle down. at the same time there is this other voice saying that i am gifted and called, that if i stick to it i will be blessed in my perserverance, that this time here is part of the process, that God knows where she is leading me and it will be a good place. i bet when i do finally get there i will look back and wish for this time with tender love.

i am who i am and i am where i am suppose to be...all that is required of me is openness, willingness to walk through open doors, and faith in the one who leads me.

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