Thursday, March 29, 2007

dear annie

tonight i was able to see annie lamott speak. you have to know dear reader that i LOVE love love anne lamott! both in person and in her writing she is so wonderfully human and real about everything. sitting listening to her stories i felt this steady tug to be that real with my life. no screwing about just being honest about the good and the bad and the beauty present in both.

the thing that i keep coming back to this week is that God is good in the midst of all the crap i am trying to believe that in my core. anne lamott reminds me in a witty human f**ked up beautiful way that God is good.

if you haven't read her please please do.

Friday, March 23, 2007

wrestling in the muck and mire

sitting in essencial community and i am finding that today's class is about messiness of being. everything we attempted today was hard and messy. debates that were all about proof texting. there was a line from one of the poets we heard that really caught me. he was speaking about the eucharist and made the statement that we are the vessel(cup) of communion...bearers of the blood. something about that statement caught in my core and created streams of tears almost instantiously.

i wonder if it is the fact that so often we are those who shed blood not those who hold that shed blood. human nature can tend towards harming rather than blessing and holding harm. being human, being caring and loving is hard and requires great risk this is what i leaned today in class. being a vessel of christ's blood requires you to become stained and messy with the responciblity and cost of that blood.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Will die single and alone eaten by cats!

It is one of those days that I find it impossible to believe that I will ever not be single. Even when I am dating I never meet anyone worth going out with for more that one or two dates. Maybe I am too picky...but I don't want to waste the little time I do have in my schedule hanging out with a guy who I am just not that into when I could be spending time with friends that I love being with. How is it that you can live in a large city and it is impossible to meet anyone who is remotely worth stepping out of your comfort zone for. Maybe I am just jaded I have to many friend who have dated people just to be dating. They were miserable, all of us friends were miserable with them. I don't see the point of looking at someone as a warm body to sleep next to or a mouth piece for empty complements. I don't want a date I want a friend who I can fall in love with. I know this is most likely harsh and bitter. It just gets tiring being everyone's fifth wheel!

So when they find me eaten by Marie's pretty white cat you will all know why it is so....

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

reasons i love theatre....

ever since i got back from nyc i have been thinking about all the reasons i love theatre and acting. in this processing i have realize that part of what acting allows for (at least for me) is the ability to take on and explore another's chaos without having to actually live in the day to day of that chaos. i keep wondering if this is a way for me to explore the emotions i am not "allowed" to feel in a safe context?

i am planning on looking at schools down in california next month...yet after sometime hanging out on IMBD and seeing all the wonderful stuff my bold and talented friends are doing i kind of freeked out. i was questioning if i really have any talent at all? or if i am just adverage...and if i am just adverage is there a way to get better or should i just give up? i don't know.