does one ever get over the awkwardness of youth? are some people just better at hiding it? the feeling of being slightly off has been trailing me all week. last night i was out for a friends birthday for most of the evening i feel like awkward teenager of the group who can't seem to say or do anything right but who tries to desperately. the feel was not eased by my extreme gesturing that at one point launched my martini glass across the length of the table to a final shattering on the floor...my brother ended up getting baptized in manderian flavored liquid including juicy bits of pulp.
how is it that in a group of people who love me i can feel so unloved? is it my own insecurity and self-hatred or am i infusing some unspoken reality from them. there are so few times when i am with people that i can feel truly comfortable in my own skin. maybe it is all in my head.