Thursday, August 02, 2007

i cheated...

so tonight one quarter of the way into the last harry potter book, i cheated (as i usually do with books that i love but become pretty emotionally invested in). this entailed me reading the last page so that my heart would be at ease and therefore able to get through the rest of the book. i know i am pathetic and pathological.

yet as i was standing on my front porch smoking half a cigarette i started to think about why i have developed this pathology, it is something i do with about half the books i read. in this introspective process, i realized that in part it is the same element of my soul that long and needs to read revelation. we are created beings with an intrinsic need to be assured that the present place in the story (our story, history, the world) is not the last word. we cling desperately to the belief that there is still hope and redemption possible in spite of how things look at this very moment. i need to be reminded that God is real that Christ has risen and will come again.

so often i forget that this is why at the end of the day i need the feeble faith i have. thread bear and worn as it is by the horror of life and the yet unfulfilled desires. i still need to believe that God is good, that God works for good and that i am even on my worst days a dearly loved child of God. and this i think is why i cheat when reading...the need to be reminded as i am each sunday when i take the eucharist that good triumphs over evil.

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