Monday, November 12, 2007

of frustration and stupidity

When I was little, big boys would taunt me
To prove their manhood, to make me fall
And it still happens, now that I'm older
They've got slave labor to take their calls
You've got a lifetime of grand successes
Which equals nothing when the day is done
Without love, no lasting value
Unless you die (into the power of one)

And man and woman, they join together
Like grace and mercy, the work begun
I am a living testimony of what was started
By the power of one ~ power of one (miranda stone)

i know that i am a feminist and that on the occations when i share those view with people generally the best response i can hope for is to be thought of a cute or slightly annoying. this is why i am careful when i speak and when i don't, about things that are gender related. twice yesterday i had the experience of uncomfort because of my passion for women needed to have voice. the first time i spoke the second i held my words. and it is the second time that even two days later comes back to haunt me. while talking about another issue of marginalization in a church context i made the statement that the same kind of thing happens with women. to which i was presented "well they aren't out and out anti-women" yet as i sat with that statement i realized that it wasn't true. it is just that we had been talking about racism and overt docterine, yet one of the major struggles with the issue of women and church is that there are very few people who are overt with their underlying prejudices in regard to this issue. (there are notable exceptions, certain pastors in the area)

for example i often wonder if my guy friends are aware of how insensitive it is to talk about the "hotness" of women, i don't have a problem with men or women talking about finding someone attractive but by using language that objectifies the person such as terms like (hot, fuckable, or other things of that nature) i find that i get very matter whether or not it is a woman or man speaking. it is things like this are covert ways in which prejudices come out...i know that we all make off-handed comments and i would honestly hate to live in a world where we were all pc about everything but i also hate the idea that just because i am a girl who can be "one of the guys" means that i have to sit through bullshit like that. what something like that really makes me feel, at least when my guy friends do it, is that my gender and sexuality do not matter at all. i become genderless and ghost like because in that instant the fact that i am a woman with desire for relationship and sex goes out the window.

maybe i am over reacting maybe i am too sensitve or maybe just maybe i am tired of being over looked as someone to be desired. whatever the reason i just needed to vent .

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