Tuesday, January 29, 2008

wanting and fear and other complications


my roommate and i just finished watching "catch and release" first and for most i have to say two thing

a)timothy olyphant is fucking incredible...i love watching him act (it helps that he is quite lovely as well) but seriously he is one of those people that i just love to watch in a film because he totally draws you in even when playing the bad guy.

b) kevin smith is funny, which i already knew but it was great to see him in someone else's film and have impeccable comic timing his is just so great!

that said the movie is quietly engaging it slowly draws you in to the reality of grief and love, softly serenading your heart as a viewer. because it is such a good story i as viewer am now in it's aftermath left with frustration because it lures to the surface my desire for a good and amazing man. this is the last thing i need because really i don't know any as of yet and there doesn't seem to be any on the horizon.

so i am left with the what to do now with this? shall i sit in the longing of my desire...grieve the fact that it has yet to be met at all or try to kill or erase it?
but maybe that isn't the question i should be asking maybe i should just let it be and focus on other things...like the fact that i am auditioning for the numbers three and six respectively graduate acting programs with in the next month and am a bit scared.

also and along with that i should start thinking about what it means if i should get in and preparing for possible MAJOR life changes like moving to a new state and figuring out how the hell to pay for it all. maybe i should just forget men in general for a while and let my desire hibernate for the winter spring summer and however more cycles of seasons until all things collide to make it possible. not sure if i am feeling to much or not enough...

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