Thursday, April 17, 2008

washington square....

I sold my piano
It couldn't come with me
I locked up my bedroom
And I walked out into the air
When nothing I needed
Is left there behind me
I walk out through the shadows
Of Washington Square~washington square counting crows

i got the new counting crows album, breaking my rule against buying albums off i-tunes, during a late night music need. it came with a track by track commentary. while listening mr. duritz talk articulately about the things and experiences that had inspired this most recent album.

in the delirium of late night i listen the album...and was struck by this song especially. it is about moving away from what you know to enter into something new. this is where my life seems to be moving currently to a large move to a new place away from so many of the people i have my life with. over the next few months i am working towards the possibility of moving down to los angeles and living into the dream of being there and trying to work as an actor.

over the last few weeks i have ran the gambit between being completely blown away by the possibility and by being absolutely stuck with fear.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

long loves and other long awaited things

finally getting the chance to watch the beautiful film version of "love in the time of cholera", and in watching it i am reminded of the wonder and heart-ache i felt reading this story. marquez creates such lovely and vivid stories of humanity catching at the very essence of life. there is so much connectivity between the characters and their lives with in this epic tale.

i cannot imagine being able to love for as long as the main character does in this story does 51 years of love of the willingness to devote their heart to one person. i say this coming from a family of longtimers, meaning when we commit we commit to the long term, and yet even though i have loved long and hard. i still could not imagine loving and being so certain of my love for that long. yet, what i can imagine is having a hope and a dream for long and waiting for it to be fulfilled. as i sit now in the waiting, waiting for the fulfillment of a dream i am blown away with the anticipation and fears of this happening. if all doors open, i just might be able to live in los angeles by fall a dream of mine for the last ten years. the possiblity of this dream becoming reality is for me the same as falling in love and finally finding out that the man i love love's me as well. there is a beauty to a long awaited hope coming as a possiblity.

so like a lover waiting on her beloved i wait for my dream to become alive and living appearing in front of me.