Tuesday, December 30, 2008

waiting for the right time

over the last few days God has been pressing into my stupid inattentive heart the concept of waiting and the wonder that happens when one waits for all the elements of the universe and creativity to converge together to bring something in, essence as it was meant to be from the first thought of it's conception. (speaking of waiting wow that was a long sentence).

this all started with madelaine l'engle a few days ago. i have been reading her book "it was good" as part of my reflection/devotion/calming down time before i attempt to get my not very obedient body to sleep. in the chapter that i was reading, sister madelaine was talking about abram and God's promise of numerous stars and grains of sands. she speaks of the astounding fact, El(God) demands abram and sarai leave their native land the place bound to their hearts as home and go to a new place. yet it takes them so long to get to this new place and the fulfillment of the promises of El. even after El calls them, they wander around for years as El prepares and blesses them. in fact it is incredible because El blesses them in a great slathering of abundance, like the generous mother's cake frosting coating them in the rich gooeyness of tangible wealth in the midst's of their stupidity (hello not once but multiple times of passing wife off as sister). yet in each of these seeming miss steps is offered the wellspring of flourishing life. in fact this is El's m.o. with most of the characters of the old testament, with every foolishness and fuck-up blessing is offered.

as i have been asked to wait to move to california again and am choosing to be purposeful in this i find that i delight in these reminders of God's action with and on behalf of God's chosen. it is a call to remember that i have not been screwed with or abandoned but that i am being lavished (even though at times it feels like shattered) so that when i finally get to the place of my calling i am ready and adorned with the needed elements. waiting is hard but as the old saying goes "the best things are worth waiting for"

Saturday, December 27, 2008

the things about dreams

i have been thinking a lot about dreams and desires and i find my self wondering if there is a point at which one must give up their dreams. is there a time when it has been too long coming? when one has hoped and dreamed and finally has to say it will not happen it is impossible? or is it at that point when the dream becomes real because one must either embrace it fully at all costs or choose to say it costs to much to hope in this anymore and i can't?

for over ten years i have believed that just around the next corner i would reach that the point of contact where things would finally gel and i could live into dreams...yet i find that after ten years i feel more exhausted, fatalistic, and tired than i ever have been in my whole life. i find myself wondering if dreams are just for certain people that in a way they are classed and for all my desire i am just in the wrong class? that somehow i have missed the mark and wasted the time that i had allotted for those hopes and now they are impossible?

yet i also, on my good days, believe in a God who acts in the impossible...who shows up in the times when there is nothing left but God's action. i believe in the power and truth in fairytales, in story, in myth...i believe that the impossible is real and possible. so where does that leave the place for my situatedness now and my dreams to meet?

i don't know the answer only that i hope that God will soon choose to show up or that i will have eyes to see God's showing up and that in spite of depression and paralization and self hatred that i will choose adventure and risk for the sake of impossible dreams.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

that white powdery stuff is just so disorienting

after five days of snowed-inness i think i am going a bit loopy. the northwest has not seen weather like this since the mid 1960's according to my roommate's grandmother. with all of this shutting down of seattle because of the snow and the weird rhythm that being stuck at your house creates i find that i am up at 3:30am on chrismas eve for no good reason. all this time lends it's self to reflection and well honestly wasting of time. it's like some odd form of psychological conditioning. can't you just hear the creepy mad scientist/ villain voice over "hahahaha....we'll trap all those people in seattle with a bizzard and then see what happens...isn't that right richard!" (V.O. changes to a high pitched whine) "richard? i said isn't that right richard? damn it dr. frank n' furter this is exactly what i have been talking about richard really doesn't care about me or my evil plans to mess with north westerners."

i mean seriously i know that white is a much more cheery color than our typical winter grey but seattle is a city that's fond of it's winter grey and when one starts messing with it well you never can tell what will happen. i mean seriously hasn't anyone noticed that we north westerners are just a tab bit off. especially seattlites. for all our nature love we are one of the oddest cities. seriously like how there are so many single people in this city but no one can ever seem to get a date. or how about the fact that we on the whole have a bit too much of the eeyore syndrome...i think that might be the real reason we still don't have a monorail. (they have been trying since "singles" was first released people one would think the would have made some headway by now it's been well over ten years)!

all this to stay it is way to late or way to early depending on how you roll the dice but no matter what angle it is said...i want out of here!

i hearts michael showalter! (or yet another reason to make movies)

many of you have most likely never heard of the film "the baxter". this film came out in 2005 and well you haven't heard of it (unless you are mike or bryan) because it had a limited release and didn't get a lot of press. which is funny because it's cast features the likes of; paul rudd, elizabeth banks, justin theroux, michael ian black and the lovely michelle williams. many of the actors in the film have been involved or connected with the comedy group stella, the state, and the films "wet hot american summer" and "the ten".

while absolutely and wretchedly funny the comedy produced by this group tends to cross over into the type of humor where after a bit one feels a bit wrong about (in spite of the fact that you are still laughing) yet "the baxter" never does this uncomfortable moment create. the writing is witty and engaging. like any good comedy, this story starts with a somewhat universal theme and dresses it up a bit. what is inspiring and rare is that showalter creates comedy in the story in a way that still holds a reality and believability to the actuality of the premise. several of the characters, in the hands of a writer and directer who wasn't this skilled, would come off as horrible and unlikable, where as in showalter's hands the characters are still relatable and sympathetic. in the guise of a romantic comedy this film is both satirizing of that genera and also a very sweet indie film about falling in love. i loved the stylization of the artistic elements of the film and as usual michelle williams was absolutely delightful to watch. it was a great little piece of film and i think you all should rent it. take it as a bit of christmas joy with a bit of hope thrown in for good measure.

*and lastly on a totally unrelated note....please someone make all this white stuff covering the ground go away...the north west does not need a white christmas. thank you.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

the remains are making me happy!

i am obsessed...you know when you stumble upon something and it is so good that you can't rest until you have consumed it all and even then you are still want for more. this is how i feel about the fox show "bones" i saw an episode or two at the beginning of the year and then stumbled upon it while looking at something on imdb.com.

since then i have watched every episode that is posted on hulu (several more than once) was frustrated the week of thanksgiving because rain city video doesn't carry it, filled the next ten slots on my netflix, and asked my family for seasons 1-3 for christmas. so the question remains why is it so great?

well for one i LOVE all the elements of the show, both writing and casting is perfect and that my friends is a terribly rare quality for a tv show. the dynamic between faith and science is woven interestingly and in a way that honors both. most of all i appreciate that while the show deals with the forensics of murder that it is not a how can we gross you out this week show (cough CSI cough). it is a story of a group of people and their relationships and this group of people happen to solve murders and put away bad guys but the people and their journey is what is central to the show.

the two main characters are seeking something in the show, booth the FBI agent booth is seeking redemption and brennan the anthropologist is being taught how to engage with the world and life with out conpartamentalizing her self. like any good relationship they grow into better people because of their interactions with each other. it is one of those show that constantly reminds me of God and why i believe in God. i cannot say how much i love this show.