It is an odd thing to be given space and time to rest and think, being released from the things that so easily demand my time and energy. After a month of being away from Seattle I have come to the understanding that I really needed to leave. Let me say this that I truly love all the people I left there and miss them greatly. But I also have found being in Oregon that I can breath and think clearly in a way that I haven't been able to in years, even while living with my father which is quiet the acomplishment.
Not everything has gone as planned since I have moved back to Oregon, it wouldn't be life if it had right, but I find that I am so much more willing to just roll with the punches than I was in Seattle. I honestly don't know what the difference is besides change of envirnement and time wrestling with God in my head. A soft little white bird has settled on my heart filling and fixing the gaping hole of fear. I find even just sitting with my mom is easier than it ever had been before. Well, minus her constant request for a treat, which happens every few minutes or so. There is something about coming to a place where you started where the roots of all the beautiful and ulgy elements of your life were fordged that allows for a certain kind of resting. Even when thinking about the writing I need to do for my Claremont application I find clarity and rest. Sparks are charged and the feeling of impossiblity is slowly melting away. Maybe it is because I don't feel like school is my only means of escape. In Seattle there was a greater pressure to leave because I felt trapped but because I know Oregon is a rest stop I don't feel as much pressure. Really all I know right now is that I am so thankful for rest and provision in this desert place.