Wednesday, March 03, 2010

subthoughts on late night cable.

this evening while watching "michael & michael have issues" (ok so there are a few good things about mom and dad's and cable tv) i realized something odd and quirky about myself...when it comes to artists who i like and find attractive i tend to be attracted to men who are five to fifteen yeas older than myself. what is odd about this is that i don't feel comfortable dating men who are more or less than five years from my age. which leads to to questioning why this is? Am I afraid of men who are older in reality because that means that, at least in my mind, there are either too serious or not serious enough. i wonder if i am scared of meeting anyone who could be a real relationship because i am not where i want to be yet. i think we tend to judge people we meet based on our own insecurities and fears. picky, i am this i know, but am i not open enough to the possible men who enter my life? yet i also know so many women who have entered into really bad relationships in the name of openness. i don't know the answers to this but i find that so often since i have gotten to oregon i have been processing and musing over questions such as these...

or maybe my over zealousness in trying to not at all resemble a groupie has lead me to be more groupish internally. who knows...it is one of those days where i just want to have some understanding and clarity. oh well...

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