Wednesday, May 12, 2010

(NFTD#22)

Being single is such an interesting space to be in....on one hand you are free to do whatever you want to. if you decide that you want to move to the tip of chile to run an eco-hotel catering to drunk germans then that's what you do with out having to ask or consider the effect it will have on anyone else. on the other hand it sucks realizing that most of your friends and all the men you have ever loved, been involved with, slept with what have you are coupled and possibly procreating like freaking rabbits while you go home to an empty bed. the good and the bad, there are days when the freedom is something i want to bathe in and other days where i would give anything to have to factor another person into my decisions.

i firmly believe that we as people are fundamentally created for relationships (with a lover as well as other forms such as friendships, family, ect) yet what happens when the specific area of romantic relationships is and has been lacking for years? what to do with that longing and desire for connection. the wisdom and practicality in me says that waiting for the right relationship is good and anyway we really don't need a distraction right now. in turn the other side of me is screaming that she would like some freaking human contact...what's that line of carries from the la/train episode of "sex & the city" "I just want to feel the weight of a man on top of me". sleeping alone sucks, as well as sleeping with someone can if i recall (yes it really has been that long). so what's the remedy there is only so much chocolate/alcohol/ (insert form of numbing) before you are so frustrated you just want to hit someone or something.


there is no answer just being present with what you are feeling and not let it conquer your brain and take control. neither a hijacked or obsessive brain will be a salve for this place. if i ever find a solution i'll let you know for sure it is not moving back into your parent's house and working all the time. maybe it is just being and forgetting about everything except for what you are working for.

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