Saturday, June 26, 2010

beautiful.... (lost NFTD # unknown)

i struggle a lot with issues of acceptance and beauty...what woman doesn't. when one is constantly assaulted with airbrushed perfection it is incredibly hard to not have moments of self hate. as an actress i found it even more of a struggle, given the nature of the entertainment industry where even women who are skinny are told that they need to be "fixed" by loosing five more pounds or getting this and that waxed, when you are a bigger girl (one of the pc terms for being curvy and heavier) things are ever more pronounced. In fact part of my decision to take a break from acting for the last two years had to do with being in seattle (where most of the roles are type cast) and having a majorly limited options for work. in this time between seattle and los angeles i have been working through many barriers and walls, one of them being self acceptance.

through my best friend's foray into makeup as a form of self expression i have been encouraged and challenged to express myself more in the area of fashion. and i have found it to be a twofold wonderment a) it has allowed me to search and find positive expressions of diverse beauty 2) hell it's fun to play dress up whether you are 3 or 93. why do we assume that when we reach adulthood that the "play" needs to stop. (very mars hill idea that one need to relearn how to play) watching lady gaga videos and encountering women like beth ditto and the beauties of the "manfattan project" stir up not only my feministic passion but my christian passion. we are all made in the image of God and that image is good and beautiful so why the hell do we so often undermine this!!!! (yes i know the world is broken and messed up but...) this passion comes out because i HATE that people, women especially are told the opposite of this, that really there are so many things that need to happen before they are acceptable. in a country that celebrates it's diversity our view of said diversity is pretty messed up.

really what all of this ramblingness is about is my desire to see more people who look like me and my friends called beautiful and i want to see the beauty in myself, to be so confidant in who i am that nothing really phases me.

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