Monday, July 19, 2010

Fear (NFTD # 29)

Tonight I was confronted again with one of the main reasons I am most scared to have children...that the world is falling apart. I don't think it is fair to bring a child into a world that is so full of violence and fear. Most likely this is because I wouldn't want to live in that. When thinking, watching, or reading something about a place filled with strife my first thought is how could you live in that and my second is that I would never want to have a child. I know the world and life are never safe nor will they ever be...but there is something deep inside me that is scouting out housing in the north pole or at least as far north as there are Canadian villages to escape to when all hell breaks loose. My best friend and I both share the belief that when it comes down to it in the threat of a totalitain government, fanatical religious government or one world power northern Canada is the safest place to be given how cold it is. Although this is countered at least by both "Watchmen" & "A Brief History of the Dead".

No matter whether or not the Northern or Southern Poles are safest given any threats, the bigger issue is that I am fearful and it ruins my present life which is really all there is. I can go for a bit of time with out thinking about all possible destruction sinarios and then something comes across my path and once again I find I am in the fear tailspin. There have been certain times in my life when I have had to cut off contact with news and people in my life because the fear based pressure was too great to even breathe. I hate this feeling the one of impending death and dread...I want to be filled with calm and focus and trust. But really I am the scared and blubbering child shaking in the corner trying to find something to make her feel safe again. And that being true how could I possibly embody a world opposite my blubbering self for a child or children to see?

Yet I think in all honesty I do...I do this every day. For as a nanny I am constantly reassuring children that there is both good and bad in the world, and even though there are bad things and people making bad choices there are still many good things in the world too. And like any good fairytale or mythic story in the end the goodness the lightness the love wins over the bad. Aslan rises up and the table cracks in half, Frodo does get the ring to safety, and Harry Potter does live. Each of these stories reminds all of us of the truth, that in the end good (truth, justice, love, mercy) all over come the bad (greed, will to power, hatred, injustice, and death).

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