Monday, August 23, 2010

on getting older (NFTD #34)

today i have crossed over the bridge and have landed on the right side of thirty. while i know age is well for the most part just how young you feel inside it is also a marker of where you have been. if i wasn't moving in four days i would most likely be marking this transition of age with some body art...leaning heavily towards a tattoo of birds in flight either on my right wrist or left shoulder...but that along with some kind of tree tattoo will have to wait for another time when money isn't so tight. (see above)

for now i have creativity and pondering to mark this transition. what i find most interesting is how little i feel like i am in my thirties. unlike many of my friends i have yet to find my career, partner, or child instead i have three degrees, beautiful friends, many ideas, the freedom to move, and hope for the future. it is so funny to think of where i thought i would be at thirty one, married, successful in something i love, maybe with a child or two. by the time my mother was thirty one she had both my brother ian and myself, had been married to my father for six years, and owned a home. my father at 31 had just meet my mom, had been to vietnam, been married before, and traveled around the country. yet neither of theirs paths are mine and mine is, i am learning with aged wisdom, is the right one for me. as i look out on this new year i see hope and beauty...i am finally moving to the city i have wanted to live in for the last five years, i have found things i love and am working hard to make them a way to support myself, i have scrubbed off much of the baggage that has hindered me from the past, and i believe in the presence of miracles even after one turns twenty three. i'm sure that there will be struggles as well, there already has been, yet i am now looking at them as the means to make things more rich and beautiful instead of just sadistic torture devices. thirty one is going to be a good year no matter what happens.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Hipster here, hipster there...(NFTD #33)

i just took a quiz as to whether or not i would qualify as a hipster if graduating from mars hill grad school and going to grace seattle hadn't sealed that sometime ago. and it turns out according to the quiz yes in deed i am 90/120% hipster. what i find interesting is that in several of the questions on the quiz i actually would have answered more hipster if there had been an answer. for example on of the questions was why i wasn't a catholic and didn't have a place for they don't ordain women or married priests (one of the reasons why i am more anglican that catholic) also when asked about the face of american christianity tim keller, rob bell, and mark driscoll where my only options and as much as i like the first two i was broken up that there weren't any women or you know any diversity listed at all in this new face. then there was the question about christian film and ted haggard (there was no place to say i was sad and angry that one should have to hide their sexuality). but really as amusing as it is in thinking more about this book which the quiz was promoting it made me sad because so much of what "hipster christian" culture comes out of is a reaction to the church culture of the late 1970's and 1980's. at least for me that was a time where christianity was confined to what we do and don't do, us and them mentalities. so i can totally understand how for many in my generation including my self faith needed to become wider and more fluid in contrast to the starkness of being cloistered in a subculture. i will not be surprised if our children make fun of our current expressions of faith and bumble their way through to another moment with in the life of the bride.

here is a link to the site if you are curious how hipsterific you are

ps oh and if we are still musing about christianizing things then i guess we are still living in a ghetto of christianity which i believe is really counter to the intent of being a follower of christ. just saying

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Ramona Quimby or creativity and parenting (NFTD #31)

Today I was allowed the great privladge of taking a nine year old to see the new version of "Ramona & Beezus". And all I can say is THANK YOU! It was such a great production of this story all the elements were creatively, well done and perfect.

First of all I have a long personal history with Beverly Cleary's books. When I was growing up my grandparents lived two streets away from Klickitat street in NE Portland. Everytime we would go over there (at least once a week) taking a walk around the neighborhood was a must do. I am pretty sure that I actually trick or treated several years on that well know literary street. And of course as most Portland daughters have done since the books came out, I devoured them and wanted to so badly to be one of the characters in the book. We also watched the Canadian made versions as children. I was always more Beezus like than Ramona. And then when I was in high school I got to assistant direct our production of "Ramona & Beezus".

There has always been something special about these books, really all of Beverly Cleary's books, that captures life well. As I watched the movie I was struck by how balanced the parent and other adult characters are. I loved how the parents encouraged and celebrated Ramona's unique view of the world...she is a child who is seen in her creativity and unique out look on life. Especially Mr, Quimby, delights in wonder of Ramona's way of seeing the world. Sitting in the theatre watching this delightful and honest portrayal of parenting for the first time in a really long time made me really desirous for a child (not now but eventually). It inspired me to remember the good of my childhood and see a future where I would want to create a space for that kind of exploration and creativity in a child of my own. Having spent the last seven years raising other people's children has taken away for me a lot of the desire to have children...I want to do something with my life before I have to give it up again. I love children but being with them day in and day out while a blessing is not what I want to or feel I am best at giving the world. In addition because of all the suffering and painful incidents in my life I struggle with seeing good in the world. This leads to a fear of raising a child in such a place where I can loose and watch the suffering of those who I love. And as if all of that was not enough I somehow went through childhood with out feeling safe or balanced. As an adult I struggle with entering life from a place of balance and rooting. All of this makes me scared to have a child because I don't want to pass along those those fears or lack of faith. Yet while watching the movie I had a sense of peace about the whole idea...this little voice in my heart was saying "yes, i do want to be a mother and inspire creativity and beauty in my child". In addition it might have been the chance to spend the day with a child who was excited in sharing this adventure. Whatever the reason I was blessed to have this experience.

And HIGHLY suggest you all seeing it.