Monday, September 06, 2010

changes (NFTD #35)

I have made many changes and choices in my life. To move away from home to another state to go to college, the choice of getting a piece of permanent art on my body, where to live, where to work, whether or not i should go back to school, ect.Yet out of all the decisions I have made in the past ten years I am finding this most recent one the hardest of them all.

While wonderful and good, moving to Los Angeles has also been super hard. I feel like I am drifting a bit uncertain of what to do or where to go. When I moved back to Portland for the transition period nothing really was all that new, things and people had changed, but I had sense memories tied to so much of that city that I intrinsically knew it. The city was redressed and so was I but we were not strangers. Even though I have been down to Los Angeles at least once a year for the last four years it still seems a very strange place to me. I don't know where things are or how to get to them...I constantly and having to rely on others to know the city. This is a hard thing for someone who spent the last ten or more years knowing her home town like the back of her hand. My usually independant nature is feeling very insecure and clingy as of late. It is a odd feeling to have especially when you have wanted to live somewhere for so very long. I never thought that this transition would be the hardest one for me..I thought it would be easier than it has proven to be.

Yet in the midst of all of the transition and change and fears and what not I know that this is the place for me and that by making that choice I will be blessed and taken care of.

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