Monday, January 24, 2011

Icons of Truth (NFTPL #25)

I keep coming back to this idea from L'Engle's book "Walking on Water" that myths and stories are icons of truth which embody the truth via story...much like the parables with in the gospels. With in the context of story truth can be seen sometimes more clearly that when it is offered in "plain english". The artist in me rejoices with that thought, in part because it justifies my unique way of seeing the world...I see truth through art, image, and story. I know things clearly because of the way these mediums have the capacity to worm past the guarded walls of my heart and ignite empathy and love. Listening to the story of the good Samaritan while driving to work caught the deep well of care hidden there...for the first time I was struck by the connection of Christ's presence in the world being that of one who is displaced with out a home. As Edwin, my pastor illuminated Christ lived both the role of alien and displaced person, those who we are charged with caring for. While much of my current class load is a repetition of previous work, it is the stories of the characters and the stories of the scriptures retold that keep my interest. New ways for the academic nerd in me to understand texts I have read and hear so many times they have begun to loose their meaning. How could I have missed the setting up of opposition in the birth accounts of John and Jesus in Luke, when I figured out the plot of "twelve monkeys" in the first fifteen minutes? Icons lead me back to the truth and open my heart and eyes to new ways of seeing.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

working together (nftpl #24)

while reading through blogs and other things i came across the lovely photo site of sarah jurado (www.sarahjurado.com),in addition to being a incredible photographer she is also the wife of damien jurado the lovely seattle musician. her work is so warm and personal capturing the heart of the people, especially the musicians that she photographs. what struck me most though were the photos she had taken while on tour with her husband. i was caught to the quick once again with my overwhelming desire to be in relationship with someone who i can co-create with. while many girls dream of their wedding day and prince charming, i have dreamed of that slightly (or severely dented) warrior who was i had a deep connection spiritually, artistically and relationally. i to some extent don't really care about a wedding day but care deeply about the man who i share life with. i want so badly for a relationship that is generative in all areas but especially in regard to creative growth and birthing. i used to say that i wanted someone who i could create with, talk about trinitarian theology,and have a great time in bed with. which is still true although i could let go of the trinitarian theology as long as they believe in jesus, i'm not that picky. but i can not let go of the desire to be with someone who is creative and with whom i can create with. i can't seem to escape this desire to have that kind of connection with someone i am with...i want to be with someone who wants and believe in the power to change the world via artistic creativity. to wrestle with life, good and bad in the context of creativity.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

slowing keeping my head up (nftpl #23)

i have over committed my life...seriously i can't believe it. 12hrs of class plus at least ten hours of reading and then 23hrs of work a week. it is so hard not to turn in on myself hating the reasonable choices that lead to this stress. i keep coming back to why did i do this to myself...which then take up the brain space i have to study and get things done. which in turns make me question why i am back studying theology again because i am faced with elements of this kind of study that are more challenging to me...ie trying to understand the logic of ancient texts and then write clearly about them.

as i talked with a dear friend last night while i know being here is good it's hard to continually be in a space where you don't quite fit. i so often feel like i stand in between the theological world and the art world but don't really fit in either space. i find the longing of my heart is to be in both places and out of both places at once. as i begin to explore that space i get bogged down by the voice that yells at me that i am never satisfied because there is so much that my heart desires...and i often feel so flighty in myself about my interests and passions. but as my dear roommate often reminds me, i don't really have a clear picture of myself or my abilities. i guess i need to become comfortable in this space of grey or in between because this is where i seem to end up.

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

(NFTPL #22)

being back in class again, seminary to be specific, i find that i am facing old demons. these voices of old yell at me that i have no real place no home because i am neither fully artist nor theologian. yesterday i was excited about the opportunities in regard to art here at fuller. today i find that i am wondering what i am doing here...logically i understand that relearning the things that i am learning is important and vital to my studies but i find that disassociation is winning. it is so hard to stay focused when you have heard the material that is being lectured on at least three times before. the thing that did get my attention was in class on tuesday one of the first quarter students asked a question about interpetive lens which left me going "seriously?!?". it wasn't anything major it was more the fact that this person couldn't even maintain the possibility of someone reading scripture with out a theological lens. it seemed to me to be such a little and benign matter yet for him it has huge. i remember my first few sessions at mars hill, half of our class afraid that the professors were heretical, and then there was me sitting there saying "oh my view is ok and can be orthodox...yay!" i am finding that fuller is a different kind of beast than mars hill...which is good and bad. i am finding this transition more difficult than i had expected, there are way more latent emotions around entering school than i ever imagined.

Monday, January 03, 2011

new year, new things (NFTPL #21)

Ever since yesterday morning when we got back from New Years in Catalina I feel like I haven't stopped moving...in a good way. Yesterday was the meet and greet for the artist community at the branch of Mosaic church that I attend. So for three hours I got to sit in a room with other artists and talk about the unique space of being a person of faith and an artist. Along those lines it has been about a month since I met and contacted the head of arts for the church and already I am getting plugged into the community through which God is reminding me of what skills and gifting I can serve with. All of which is very exciting and energizing. I find myself wanting to soak it all up like a sponge but also with this pulsing need to create.

Then today was the first day of school for Fuller...so I began with orientation, rushed to change my class schedule & get some of my books before attending my first class. The first class was a lot of material that I already had encountered but I really enjoyed the excitement and joy the professor brought, this was his first class teaching as a professor. This evening I attended the class that I had just registered for this morning. It is a history course and will be very challenging but in what I hope will be a good way, also the professor is quite funny which give me hope that I will be able to stay awake! Tomorrow I have the first day of my third class which is a four hour evening class...I am hoping I can stay up for that.

So many things are sitting in my heart and brain from the last two days but for now they just need to peculate and marinate while I keep moving. I feel so overwhelmed and excited for all of these opportunities, I have no idea what God is making but I am sure it will be lovely in the end.