Wednesday, January 05, 2011

(NFTPL #22)

being back in class again, seminary to be specific, i find that i am facing old demons. these voices of old yell at me that i have no real place no home because i am neither fully artist nor theologian. yesterday i was excited about the opportunities in regard to art here at fuller. today i find that i am wondering what i am doing here...logically i understand that relearning the things that i am learning is important and vital to my studies but i find that disassociation is winning. it is so hard to stay focused when you have heard the material that is being lectured on at least three times before. the thing that did get my attention was in class on tuesday one of the first quarter students asked a question about interpetive lens which left me going "seriously?!?". it wasn't anything major it was more the fact that this person couldn't even maintain the possibility of someone reading scripture with out a theological lens. it seemed to me to be such a little and benign matter yet for him it has huge. i remember my first few sessions at mars hill, half of our class afraid that the professors were heretical, and then there was me sitting there saying "oh my view is ok and can be orthodox...yay!" i am finding that fuller is a different kind of beast than mars hill...which is good and bad. i am finding this transition more difficult than i had expected, there are way more latent emotions around entering school than i ever imagined.

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