Sunday, May 01, 2011

why failing statistics isn't always bad...

i realize just a moment ago that writing something off because of a statistic impossibility is completely counter to the life i have been offered.  that's like writing something off because it seems impossible.... yet impossible things happen all the time, that is the wonder and beauty of life. the impossible-possible is when beauty and truth break through the thin places as the celts would call it, the space where the veil between the tangible and intangible is nonexistent, these are the places where transcendence happens.

i basically failed statistics in college, granted it was the week my grandmother was dying and had been the shittiest of years, but i honestly passed the class with a d. yet i find that so often when i am afraid and want something badly i "run the statistics and probability" of it in my head as a way of cutting off desire. it usually goes something like this...statistically it is improbable that any of these men will be interested in me, statistically it's improbable that out of all the people auditioning for this part that i will get it, statistically it is unlikely that they will accept me in this graduate program and so the self doubt hidden in statics rings in my head.

but that's not how God works, that's not how the wonderful and unique aspects of life work. as i said earlier it is actually counter to a life lived in full embrace of God life and others. Because statistics say that we should not have shot for the moon on our first film project where as God and life says of course you should shoot for the moon and if you miss you still learned how to better aim for the moon and better yet the sun next time around! God says here go to this concert in vegas or at a fashion show there are important people there that you need to meet. it's the call of love to something great that voice that causes you not only to think of your friend when you see a pack of parliament cigarettes on the side of the street but to call her and say i was thinking of you. it's the Spirit moving through your heart that says your friend half way across the country is sad send him this book and a piece of art. these are just not things that can be rated or quantitated by statistical analysis, because they are the things of creation and spirit and connection and love. i think too often we get wrapped up in things like the statistical element or the probability element or the rational element and forget that " the best sign of life after death is the (beauty) in life before death" to quote my edwin macmanus. we are called to LIVE life vibrantly and wildly our of our care for love and truth and beauty.

i find when i get fixated on whether or not something is statistically possible or probable i limit my own ability to encounter the mystical the impossible and the simple moments of transcendence as well as those gifts of vision and life which God is offering because my perspective is now limited by what is perceived as possible.

as my dear friend beth said last weekend if all things are possible with the creativity of God then just the act of stepping into something helps it to become birthed into the world...we have the capacity for so much more than we allow ourselves to experience. when we walk in a space of bold openness to the possible impossible it's amazing what explodes out of that.

so tonight i relish in my failure of a class because it teaches me that the impossible and the transcendent are so much more visible when i am not bound by the probability of them alighting into my life.

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