i remember sitting in the hospital waiting for answers that didn't come. the reality that my world was irrevocably shattered not yet clearing my brain, but i also couldn't walk into the room where she lay swelled up like a balloon filled with tubes attached to machines. my heart was breaking and i was unable to cry...in fact i didn't cry for three months. and the world suddenly became filled with only two people those who got it and understood that there was nothing they could say to take what happened on a mountain away and didn't try and those who offered contrite words and religious platitudes who thought it was their job to make things better. the former were well received and the latter i offered fake plastic thank you's and plastic smiles. we all grieve in our ways and that is important, one shouldn't be pushed to get over it or whatever.
now my friend is sitting in this same tension with more dire outcomes and i know there is nothing i can say. i hurt on his behalf and those who are suffering with him in this. the possibility of loss of someone you love is awful. all i know how to offer is presence and listening...as anne lamott says your job is to listen and show up and let God do the rest. so that is what we will do.