Wednesday, July 13, 2011

other views of places i have known (nftpl #52)

drove through old haunts in a tuquiouse blue car blaring great music of my own choosing (thanks sonic boom). as i tooled around seattle i realized that part of me misses being here, the history i have with this place, the friends, the memories...the beauty of my native land. i realized that seattle to me is stablity and settling down and marriage and kids and things like that w/o the rock n' roll that my wild heart craves. i do want those things just not in the way i would have had them here. also i do love my life as crazy and wild as it is and the woman i am becoming from moving away.

it is hard to be in that space of missing someplace you have lived and yet knowing in your heart's bottom depths that it is no longer a place for you. this is the feeling that i had while i was in seattle very much nostalgia for what was home for so very long.

then i got home to los angeles and was picked up by my adopted father figure...uncle dan. with in ten minutes it was evident that while in the northwest i had lost much of my hard earned strength and solidness of self. being in my old haunts i had taken on my old way of being...the timid and apologizing girl, instead of the powerful and confidant woman i am becoming. as i processed this shift i realized that i am longing for the day when my being and self-hood is flexible yet doesn't mold to to each place i got. instead i can hold the core of who i am solid no matter what.

i am constantly encountering new ways of seeing and understanding the world...changing views.

1 comment:

Shiloh said...

I love the self-awareness in your posts lately, and this is a truly powerful and beautiful realization. Keep on rocking and rolling and living openly!