Tuesday, August 16, 2011

caught (NFTPL #55)

caught between opposing desires it's hard at times for my heart to find rest. it makes sense i was born on one of those days between star-signs...half virgin half lioness. i want stability and i want to wander like a gypsy on the road and over oceans and seas. the paths i have chosen don't always seem to fit my heart's desires. everything feels conflicting, my reality is constantly changing and morphing into something new. i want to be mutually bound to the heart of another and i want to be free. i want motherhood and singleness...i want this man and i want to run away. i want this shirt, no wait do i really want this shirt.  it's always a tension it's always a question...rarely is anything ever clear....well somethings are clear like faith and God, the music of brmc, the black ryder, ryan adams and the need to create.

yet i always want to do so much and be apart of so many beautiful things that it is hard for me to focus. i wonder if it is because i haven't yet come to the thing, you know that things that just jumps out and says "yes" this is exactly you fully who you were created and made for or maybe i was made to wander and travel and experience life on a wild ride of trust and risk. so much of this past year and a half has been risking, stepping out, being bold and trusting that where i walk a path or net will be provided...and it has. i have been so blessed with dreams realized, opportunities given and unexpected surprises offered. that being caught between what seems to be opposite desires isn't looking like such a bad thing after all.


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