Saturday, September 10, 2011

a little story

she sat there wondering "did i matter, or was i a novelty...just a passing fancy"

she had been missing one for whom she never quiet knew where she stood. he seemed often both solid as a rock and fluid as the sea. her own past with men left her uncertain of his words and confused by his actions. yet such was the way of relationships she was learning, clarity was often just a passing fancy. in between him and now there had been a few others. men who made it obvious what they wanted and how they thought of her. these men also happened to be well uninteresting to her boring and unattractive. they certainly couldn't hold a candle to the man she didn't understand. his secrets and being were like a present or treasure that she couldn't help but search for...the others where a purely a place filler a means to release unmet tension from before. she hated that fact but it was a fact none the less. facts kept bubbling up to the surface of her self knowledge truths she had never known before. this man he seemed like a gateway, a gateway drug in ways, his presence in her life opened up whole worlds unexplored. no that wasn't right she has known these things it has just been ages and ages since they were solidly formed in her own life.

she sat with her heart listening to all the angles it feed her for a while and then came the epiphany "just let it and him be what they will be"

and the pondering and wrestling went back in the box for now.

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