Sunday, September 04, 2011

rainstorms

big fat raindrops covering my windshield, the fresh scent of dirt and new rain, lightning streaks across the sky and drum like thunderclaps announcing presence. this was the wonder of tonight's showy spectacle in los angeles. it was the follow up to a pink and golden tinted sunset.

i drove into town with a friend. we sat on a corner of sunset blvd drank coffee, chocolate and talked of relationships and men. i watched the traffic go by peering with vested interest at each motorcycle. the sugar i had imbibed today began it's wormy destructive path, trying to take me out with shrapnel constructed of loss, loneliness and self doubt. the sweet seductions of earlier that day came back to bite me in the ass. so i drove home letting the fat and crystalline rain wash away all the destructiveness and pain. wash away the disappointment and missing that had feed the sugar fix.

the rainstorm was a means of memory, a reminder that i have choice and that my perception is not always what it appears to be. every so often i need to cut ties, to be cleaned of the destruction, to be told that i have tasted just a bit of the beauty which will be offered.

the curtains flutter and waft in the sent of the fall rains, i hold what i have and release what i cannot, placing my hands to my heart i offer up the desires and projects and relationships hidden there and ask for the impossible knowing that the asking is what matters and not the outcome.




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