Saturday, October 08, 2011

dark clouded days

over days and weeks in and out of seasons i ride the perpetual wave of depression. there are days that are flooded with grey clouds and confusion and others where the rays of sun make everything seem golden. it's a terrible ride that i want so badly to get off of most days. for much of my life situations were so clouded that i never realized how bad the depression i suffer from is, then i moved last year to southern california and my vision changed. the world has shifted and i was living in a place of light and possibility. being in a different environment open my eyes to the true reality of my malfunctioning brain and emotions.

i am so frustrated by my in ability to change this or get off this ride. more than anything i wish to find a balance to see more beauty in my self and my life than the darkness. i see light and beauty in all those around me yet because of the misfiring of my own damned brain, i cannot seem to see clearly in my own. 

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