Saturday, October 22, 2011

gifts....

this week we have been reading a book on forgiveness, giving and receiving for my ethics class. it's a great and beautiful book by miroslav volf. it has been one of those books coupled with a few other experience and interactions that have been shifting my perspective. as part of that shift i am actively trying to cultivate practices and habit that are rooted in developing some key character traits that i have wanted to have. yet this post is not about that per say...it's about being offered and receiving unexpected gifts.

for example in class on thursday we had a quiz, for which because of being stuck in traffic i was left with three minutes to compose the essay. to which one, that one being me goes oh shit...well i guess i blew that one. yet that didn't happen because in part of this book we are reading. as an example of grace and gifting half of the quizzes were free passes, and since i was the last one to class that day the only quiz left was the free pass. what an incredible grace to be given a 100% when i had be stuck in traffic getting there and also had failed my previous quiz. and tonight i got an email saying that i am being given another special and unexpected and unmerited gift. unlike the quiz i feel the weight of unworthiness in this gift...this one feels totally and absolutely undeserved.

as i look over the experiences and opportunities i have been given this year i am completely amazed. it's like a wellspring of blessing and "holy shit" moments have flooded into my life. those secret desires of my hidden heart are being offered as gifts that are so normal it's weird. today was one of those days where the reality of my current life and path hit full force...driving around silverlake trying to sell some clothes and get food and show shiloh more of why i love this part of town, i kept having these "oh my...holy crap" smacks in the face. this beautiful crazy wild thing...which includes the more and more frequent driving home at the late hours of the evening wee hours of the morning...is my life and the most like the life i have wanted ever since i could remember.  this doesn't negate the badness or darkness but it is nice to see the light and the beauty and the gift of it all.



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