Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Sundance reflections day 1

I am still shocked that currently I am sitting in a pub in Park City, Utah attending the Sundance film festival. Being here at this event has been something I have dreamed of for years, given the fact that it is one of the central spaces for film. To some extent it is like entering a Mecca of film culture, like entering the Sistine Chapel or the Tate or the Louve Galleries, or the Mormon Temple down the hill in Salt Lake. There is this are of reverence and awe that happens when one finds them self in a space of inspiration and encounter with the divine. Part of me is so enraptured with the whole sense of the place that I want to burst into tears and make my mark. Another part of me just wants to sit back and watch it all happen, smoke my cigarettes have a drink and wait for some beautiful person to walk by or some serendipitous encounter to take place. I have that same mealy little voice battling back and forth saying "how the fuck did you get here (what makes you so damned special)" and "you need to get out there, take the city by storm, run wild in the streets, get into some star-studded party, and make your mark on this city". So instead I sit here for a bit of reflexion and thoughtfulness before going wild. How often are we offered chances of a lifetime and get to caught up in the chaos and over-thinking in turn failing to really experience the moments being offered. I find that there is the subtle disappointment that is worming it's way into my perception of this event. But I think that if I can stay in the moment it will die off and loose the power it's trying to gain. Maybe that is the key to life living fully into each little moment of our stupid little lives to paraphrase a previous Sundance film (American Beauty) and in that we catch the wonder of a whole life because it is not longer about pushing through but engaging with what is offered. Seeing God as the goodness in each moment instead of that which condemns and brings destruction.

Blessing and opportunity are swirling around me like the snow that came here two days ago. I'm so saturated in the abundance that I can't see the forest for the trees. To be given over the last year and a half so many things that I had dreamed and hoped and thought to be impossible, and here I stand in the evidence of this not believing that all the other dreams and hopes and impossibilities can happen. Yes if I choose to work for it I can come back here to this place of film wonderment with an entry. Traveling and creating and telling stories IS the path not the hoped for path of my little life. I am encased in the arms of love not hidden outside it's reach. Perspective shifts are running at me full force and I am here to open my arms to their transforming place.

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