i once believed what i was told. that if i just waited and hoped love would come as good as gold. this i now know is a bold faced lie...love has not come no matter how hard i tried. so i settle for the lesser the tangible deed and hope that sex will fill what i need. i am tired and i'm cold i just need to connect, to another broken soul in a moment in a second in a slight lapse of time. you tell me it's not God's will but i can't hear you at all this time...for the fairytale of life and love worked it's magic on your and your eyes can't see what mine have been through. so while you construct the idealized life, i crawl into be with the current man in my life. there is presence and sweetness and transcendence here too, that is all i can muster to say to you.