Wednesday, March 28, 2012

saying good bye

letting go of an idea of you is so much harder than having to let go of you. when it's all shattered and broken and beyond the point of repair i ache and hurt and throw things at the wall. in that "you" are gone for good allowing space for another to come in after the process of repair. but that isn't always how things work...sometimes we just change the context of our relationship. this makes those tender moments when your image comes flying at me through the face in a car window or a song on the radio harder to bear, because you are still here never lost just moved.  it's a slower healing time because there is no rage just the slow steady stream of my romantic love for you flowing into a river of friendship and platonic care. that wanting is so hard to let go the memories of long ago nights where we laid side by side sharing our secret hopes and heart with images of a now lost future. as i clean out thing shaking off the dust and moldy corrosion, i come across your words in letters and notes and pictures of made in another time and space. for a brief moment i loose my breath and feel tears of loss welling up inside. then a new lover touches my arm and i am released. so to what we once were for a moment or a life-time i say good bye...

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