Tuesday, March 13, 2012

what you wanted...

It's been a week of surreal moments. Mostly I've been hit between the eyes with the reality that I am actually on a path leading to things that I have wanted in my life for ages. I have a lovely little life...not perfect and not complete yet still missing some key elements but a lovely life none the less. Confidence and growth are happening at rapid rates yet I still come tumbling back down the hill needing to pick up my bucket and try again. It's as if life is simultaneously moving in slow motion and on fast forward, I can't quite seem to get a grasp on things or how to play. In spite of my feelings of insecurity and failure I am finally at a point in my life where what matters most is the continuingness of showing up. What matters more that being right the first time is practice and repetition and letting everyone know you are in for the long haul.

There are still moments when the weight of happiness gets overwhelming and it's all I can do to stand my ground and not actively destroy or run away. But what little grace it is to have the warmth of purpose and love show up and remind me that it takes years and hours to be good let alone great and that I am just learning the steps to this tango. 

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