Wednesday, August 29, 2012 to not be a wanker

So let's all agree that dating for most people is a painful and arduous process. There are of course those who are exceptions to this rule, like my roommate or my best friend, but over all for most of us out here dating is filled with landmines and creepy people one is doing their absolute best to the black plague.  This being said, every time one goes out with a new person (not the dude on the outer edges of your friend group or your friends little cousins but someone totally outside your connections) the hope is that at the end of this first meeting, the worst you get is free dinner or a drink and an interesting story to relay and captivate friends and family.At best, and believe me it can happen, you come home glowing after a night with someone whom you totally connected with on various levels. And who you may or may not have spent several wee hours of the dawn with on a street corner in Koreatown, sitting on the trunk of your car making out. Following this magical best outcome, are the follow up date or two or three or five. And you know they are all equally lovely and mind blowingly good, and that is when you begin to think to your self "self this is someone we could actually, you know, LIKE!"

 So there you are, with body and mind in sync having great encounters with a person who you are not only attracted to but is also someone you can  talk with for hours and then it happens...BAM! The world shifts suddenly and that wonderful person you have been enjoying so and connecting with disappears without a trace. Like suddenly mid text to you the earth just opened up and Poof they are gone! You have just been ghosted!

Now being one to be affected by my perceptions of others possible reactions, I understand it sucks telling someone you aren't interested in them. And it also sucks being rejected, especially by someone you were interested in, but that is a quickly healed wound in the realm of dating and mating. What actually sucks the most is to just be dropped and ignored with no courteous  "hey I'm not interested in seeing you or I can't date you anymore." I mean really people, how hard is it to avoid being a total ass and just give a girl(or a dude or how ever you identify) a clear indication that you are ducking out of the process. I'm sure there are humans out there who will freak out on you threatening to cut of the royal jewels or something but honestly most (almost all) people would rather have the respect of some at least letting you know they are done, opposed to suddenly going radio silence. Being rejected sucks and rejecting someone sucks because even if you have good reason (like they kind of sort of forgot tell you they are married) it is still hard to tell someone you aren't interested in them. This is especially true if you are someone who has been on the receiving end of rejection and/or are empathetic. I firmly believe it is better to create closure than leave the other party in the dark wondering what happened to you, especially if you have been out on a date. The two minutes it takes to create closure for another person saves a world of chaos and heart ache. So to review don't be a wanker, be kind and tell the girl (boy, couple, whomever) thank you for a lovely time but I can't date you anymore. It will be a kind and interpretable move on your part and save the sane people you date some heartache and crazy time...if the person you are breaking up with is actually crazy you might want to think about hiring Mike Tyson for security and getting a restraining order or a can of mace. 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That sucks, i was dating this girl and she chose someone else over me. Hurt quite a bit. It's hard to imagine right now, but you will get through this.