i feel like a broken thing. a china doll that has been cracked deep within. seemingly so strong and yet so fragile. there are days when i feel as if maybe i can conquer the world and over come all the chaos that swirls around my brain...and then comes a day like today where even the smallest of tasks seems insurmountable. on these the dark days i sit stuck for hours with piles of work that i want so badly to do and can't. and those lovely things of life like friends, love, sex, art, music, and everything else that bring the vividness of technicolor to the day to day can also send this alice down the rabbit-hole. a missed called, a forgotten curtsey curtisey on the wrong day and the fragility of my mind get's shattered into a million little pieces of darker reality. i hate these demon days that rape my productivity and creative motivation.